just remember
if you were to live your life
behind closed doors
where no wandering eyes could see
nor critical hearts could tweak
indicative of misunderstanding in the
most malicious of degrees
rooted in fear
fed by jealousy
could you find peace?
judgement is rarely based in facts
don’t you know?
but cruelty will and has always
come free
no one really wants to see you succeed
unless in a way that can be claimed by them
in some way
shock and awe takes perspective to dissect
more so than just thrice-removed observance
to comprehend yet
the actions taken in secrecy are still somehow
claimed by eyes that refuse to watch
and spread by lips that refuse to ask
so paint whatever gruesome masquerade
myriad of blunders and escapades of foes
relinquish any kinship or likeness
to that of a forsaken and desperate rebel soul
I forgot I am the most evil entity to ever grace
this ground beneath me and
lack of understanding has never been the real
issue nor
ever will any words compel a wanton desire
to change or care or understand
since lack of understanding never once was the root cause in the black mark placed upon
my crown
the truth is inconsistent and inconveniently contradictory to the narrative designed for
the justification of banishment as iron-clad
solution and displacement of blame
one day clarity will become thee
but waiting I won’t be in the dark
fed by malice or vengeance or
rudimentary vulgarity
bloodlust or
things unjustly lost
for alone behind closed doors
lies the peace that hath been forsaken
in the unyielding journeying for attention
by eyes that I now know were never interested in seeing more than they were willing to see
nor lips that speak more than useless topographical fodder to add fuel to the fire
synthetically rendered in the purpose of entertainment at the expense of a life not bothered to be sought after
worse even the ears that refuse to plainly hear
but rather add spin based on inclinations offered by everyone but the source
warriors are built not made
by the hands battered and bruised
sick of catering to fickle minds
simplistic and unaware of the fear
blinding and blurring the fabricated
lines containing the crazy still raging inside
to be unexpected and kind
forgiveness begets this ever-intoxicated mind
but freedom lies inside
without the watchful eyes
dust to dust
or so it is said
may you hold your tongue forever
especially once I’m dead
ownership over this life that is forsaken
belongs to no one
may my barely beating heart
finally find peace
in this life
without wandering eyes that see only what suits them
and critical hearts that are designed for destruction
ears that listen to information not gathered from the source
since my breath seems to exist solely for sport
a character in everyone else’s story
to mock
illicit covered snickers in jest
tune in next week to
choose whatever misadventure
you deem best
to add fodder to a life vividly taken out of context
without care or calling into question
any recollection of any version of truth
worry not dear guardians of twisted dark fairy tales
masters of distraction from basic human decency
fear not of the fiery pits of hell
licking your heels
trust the ever-so-surely unraveling singular
rope you cling desperately to
can pull you all the way out
blindfolded and rigged to a harness
strapped to a promised godlike counterpart
one you can only conceptualize of course
without any substantial or evidentiarily supported indication of truth
maybe my bed is not the most comfortable
nor do I have even fabricated support
but at least there are no lies lining my path
and the walk through hell truly cannot be that bad
at least my eyes I can see through
without the need of rose-colored nonsense
and I no longer worry about placing the weight of dependence on anyone outside myself
fire becomes me
a fact not worth disputing
and the devil’s playground is lined with
fun little riddles and
conquests and
quiet enthralling enticements
designed to make steadfast
the ever-present desire to break all the rules
that the system designed to hold the reckless
down
the only way out is through
the scenic route is the most thrilling
demons are only as paralyzingly terrifying as
the weak of heart allow them to be
so dance in the fiery pits of hell
dare to walk on the dark side
feed the manic dragon within
or continue to hold onto anger if it suits you
forsake all those who refuse to fit
into the cookie-cutter mold of a life left unlived
kept within walls manufactured by hands unfamiliar to the crazy raging within
hate me as long as it serves you I pray
let lies line your path to success
villains have only ever been misunderstood
strong enough to fly above the fold
fame and fortune are such rudimentary goals
designed to keep individuality controlled
peace of mind and idle time to unwind the binds society ties
how convenient it may be to seek out destruction as a selfish serving distraction
from the empty panic rising within yourselves
worry not the isolation that tears you to pieces
will be the home I know best
as long as rephrasing my actions
and twisting intentions you never bother to attempt to comprehend
helps you feel a bit better about the life that you live
well who the fuck am I to protest?
just do me a favor take my name off your lips
and my life off your vision if you cannot even
have the basic human cordiality to speak to me when called upon
my life is not designed as a spectacle to be
torn out of context nor spoken about critically
simply as an exercise of fascination or target for scrutiny by hamsters unaware of the wheel
they stay glued upon unwilling to see outside the basic and barely seductive entrapments
designed to disguise control for power
your legacy doth not exist once dust becomes you
money and objects are sinister distractions from wealth you will never attain
infamy is far less desirable than legacy but
at least my story is mine to be written
rules remain as bondage
only the daring may break the chains
leave me alone in the dark abyss
you banished me into
do not hold onto anger because
I made a home there
against all the odds
the only favor I seek to win is my own
one day the blindness that becomes you
will be flooded by white hot blue flames
unable to ignore the toxic waste
you have drowned me in
an attempt to choke the rebellion within
and force a retreat back to the cult
and the rules you endeavor to trap me within
as an example of beating out mischief
when really my spirit threatens
the way of life you have succumbed to
without any exercise of choice on the matter
because surrender is the only option that doth remain when by your own hands you hath
crumble the very ground that you walk upon
over and over again
surrender is the answer
that is very true
but the lesson may not be the one first apparent
for the prayers and wishes and thoughts sent
in silence to those perceived “still suffering”
does nothing in reality
when lips remain wired shut
and accessibility is closed off unless
willing to give over every basic individuality
for a group conscience designed by an ancient
mentality overwrought by madness
believe without proof
thy will be done
inside the rooms there is a miracle to be found
while denying the magic outside
live within boundaries set by everyone else or
make peace with the demons
go quietly
I have
expect nothing else
but to become entertained by
the lies you bury me under
to turn green with the rust
that the sunlight may bring
the earth is turning
as the time continues to be wasted
watching for the storm to pass
diamonds are formed under pressure
keep expecting for the answer to appear
without any labor or introspection
just waiting there on the plastic throne
wearing a paper made crown
expecting to be sought after
alone on the flight down
in darkness may light be conjured
instead of handed down
misunderstood madness becomes them
but at least expectations cannot add barriers
to seeking the meaning profound
Scattering Ashes Everything, Everywhere, All at Once 