stuck between
a migraine and
a heartbreak
and the break of dawn is
never far enough away in
this cell built of cinder block walls
and mirrors suffocatingly close to
the chest I keep on begging
to stop rising with every catching breath
what the actual fuck is the point of this life
I am forced to live when
all each day presents is a cruel
unwavering jest
crooked sadistic laughter bordering on
psychotic and perplexing wretched
demons possessed
pointed and paranoid inquiries that one
doth constantly and ever insistintly protest
trust the true meaning of addiction
may never be fully understood until
you have shot up meth.
the animal lain asunder
stricken conquered with hushed waning
last breath
has once again grown hungry and angry
with newfound conviction
sinister and sparkling
a fire bright behind its eyes
and although my mind recognizes
the quite indicated outcome
to be torn limb from limb
where there should be panic is astoundingly
more akin
to freedom and ever so fleeting
childlike innocent overzealous glee
with just a tinge of hardened worry of
outcomes foretold to be expected
loss of sanity
what if the monster my tortured soul is
justified in becoming
swallows every tiny shred of goodness
left inside of me?
worse yet
otherworldly
what if the destruction comes welcomed
brought home with open arms
so tired from the fight
to keep every fleeting wretched dream alive
love is not enough this time
to pull any lifeform free
of the vortex eating away at our
two conjoined souls
impeccable timing as always
a knack for inopportunity
inconvenience gracing the dim lit
passageway of the tunnel through which
I pass through my life stumbling
clutching tightly now to you
another lost soul in reverie
the blindness that becomes us
as so remarkably
wrapping all up in the swaddle
taking comfort in the refuge
so as we may not see
the feverish and painstaking
desperation to succumb to the substance
that holds our star crossed love hostage
held in cruel steadfast grip
no ransom ever large enough
to satisfy the enemy
made powerful by twisted demented
mentality
one never quite akin to even baseline sanity
empty paper thin promises
that fall apart the barely stitched
seams tearing away from each over
abused heart
slave to manufactured simplicity
a production of chemical exchanges
in replacement of the unruly
deranged passion
tortured hearts contempt
in search of longevity
sustainable albeit mild
patient tender consistency
easily tossed aside
even quicker each time
for instant unmeasurable highs
to quell overburdened minds
love is nothing but chemical interaction
the less mess the better
there is no room in this courtship for three
it is a waste of precious effort
to compete in the Olympics of unrequited
devotion
a losing battle at best
against the powerhouse team of elixirs
with a lifetime of history
expert in seductive strategy
sickening as it may too seem
the battle roles have shifted
in the all-encompassing category
for the suitor with multiple interest
desperation to be locked
suddenly becomes the toxic chemical spill
so ever presently staining the backs of our
cotton mouth throats growing in propensity
chained up and shackled to the marks
hidden intently under sleeves
guilt and misplaced anger wrap up over
our tattered bodies as our souls wither away
unravel
cold distance tearing apart
a sweet and sinister mistress
an introduction made to look innocent
to keep all significant entrapments
wrapped up ever so tightly
without the necessity
to undo the wired shut bindings
for a new relationship to be set free
instead us three at war constantly
forging a warpath to desolate victory
both choosing a tether that pulls us ever
so slightly away from the other constantly
love cannot win in the hand that doth grasp
dice loaded toward mischief and the
overwhelming desire to set the mind at ease
resentment here lays brewing
a sacrifice ill-perceived
as entitled snatching of most high priority
so never will the choice be forced
ultimatums steal away power of agency
but the sweet siren song is calling
our strength in numbers so quickly
ripped beneath our feet
love may conquer all
but never forget the conflicts of interest
that may keep any love at bay
not all callers may be created the same
and maybe for now
the losing battle is worth still fighting
Scattering Ashes Everything, Everywhere, All at Once 