just remember

if you were to live your life

behind closed doors

where no wandering eyes could see

nor critical hearts could tweak

with crushing grip

indicative of misunderstanding in the

most malicious of degrees

rooted in fear

fed by jealousy

could you find peace?

judgement is rarely based in facts

don’t you know?

but cruelty will and has always

come free

no one really wants to see you succeed

unless in a way that can be claimed by them

in some way

shock and awe takes perspective to dissect

more so than just thrice-removed observance

to comprehend yet

the actions taken in secrecy are still somehow

claimed by eyes that refuse to watch

and spread by lips that refuse to ask

so paint whatever gruesome masquerade

myriad of blunders and escapades of foes

relinquish any kinship or likeness

to that of a forsaken and desperate rebel soul

I forgot I am the most evil entity to ever grace

this ground beneath me and

lack of understanding has never been the real

issue nor

ever will any words compel a wanton desire

to change or care or understand

since lack of understanding never once was the root cause in the black mark placed upon

my crown

the truth is inconsistent and inconveniently contradictory to the narrative designed for

the justification of banishment as iron-clad

solution and displacement of blame

one day clarity will become thee

but waiting I won’t be in the dark

fed by malice or vengeance or

rudimentary vulgarity

bloodlust or

things unjustly lost

for alone behind closed doors

lies the peace that hath been forsaken

in the unyielding journeying for attention

by eyes that I now know were never interested in seeing more than they were willing to see

nor lips that speak more than useless topographical fodder to add fuel to the fire

synthetically rendered in the purpose of entertainment at the expense of a life not bothered to be sought after

worse even the ears that refuse to plainly hear

but rather add spin based on inclinations offered by everyone but the source

warriors are built not made

by the hands battered and bruised

sick of catering to fickle minds

simplistic and unaware of the fear

blinding and blurring the fabricated

lines containing the crazy still raging inside

to be unexpected and kind

forgiveness begets this ever-intoxicated mind

but freedom lies inside

without the watchful eyes

dust to dust

or so it is said

may you hold your tongue forever

especially once I’m dead

ownership over this life that is forsaken

belongs to no one

may my barely beating heart

finally find peace

in this life

without wandering eyes that see only what suits them

and critical hearts that are designed for destruction

ears that listen to information not gathered from the source

since my breath seems to exist solely for sport

a character in everyone else’s story

to mock

illicit covered snickers in jest

tune in next week to

choose whatever misadventure

you deem best

to add fodder to a life vividly taken out of context

without care or calling into question

any recollection of any version of truth

worry not dear guardians of twisted dark fairy tales

masters of distraction from basic human decency

fear not of the fiery pits of hell

licking your heels

trust the ever-so-surely unraveling singular

rope you cling desperately to

can pull you all the way out

blindfolded and rigged to a harness

strapped to a promised godlike counterpart

one you can only conceptualize of course

without any substantial or evidentiarily supported indication of truth

maybe my bed is not the most comfortable

nor do I have even fabricated support

but at least there are no lies lining my path

and the walk through hell truly cannot be that bad

at least my eyes I can see through

without the need of rose-colored nonsense

and I no longer worry about placing the weight of dependence on anyone outside myself

fire becomes me

a fact not worth disputing

and the devil’s playground is lined with

fun little riddles and

conquests and

quiet enthralling enticements

designed to make steadfast

the ever-present desire to break all the rules

that the system designed to hold the reckless

down

the only way out is through

the scenic route is the most thrilling

demons are only as paralyzingly terrifying as

the weak of heart allow them to be

so dance in the fiery pits of hell

dare to walk on the dark side

feed the manic dragon within

or continue to hold onto anger if it suits you

forsake all those who refuse to fit

into the cookie-cutter mold of a life left unlived

kept within walls manufactured by hands unfamiliar to the crazy raging within

hate me as long as it serves you I pray

let lies line your path to success

villains have only ever been misunderstood

strong enough to fly above the fold

fame and fortune are such rudimentary goals

designed to keep individuality controlled

peace of mind and idle time to unwind the binds society ties

how convenient it may be to seek out destruction as a selfish serving distraction

from the empty panic rising within yourselves

worry not the isolation that tears you to pieces

will be the home I know best

as long as rephrasing my actions

and twisting intentions you never bother to attempt to comprehend

helps you feel a bit better about the life that you live

well who the fuck am I to protest?

just do me a favor take my name off your lips

and my life off your vision if you cannot even

have the basic human cordiality to speak to me when called upon

my life is not designed as a spectacle to be

torn out of context nor spoken about critically

simply as an exercise of fascination or target for scrutiny by hamsters unaware of the wheel

they stay glued upon unwilling to see outside the basic and barely seductive entrapments

designed to disguise control for power

your legacy doth not exist once dust becomes you

money and objects are sinister distractions from wealth you will never attain

infamy is far less desirable than legacy but

at least my story is mine to be written

rules remain as bondage

only the daring may break the chains

leave me alone in the dark abyss

you banished me into

do not hold onto anger because

I made a home there

against all the odds

the only favor I seek to win is my own

one day the blindness that becomes you

will be flooded by white hot blue flames

unable to ignore the toxic waste

you have drowned me in

an attempt to choke the rebellion within

and force a retreat back to the cult

and the rules you endeavor to trap me within

as an example of beating out mischief

when really my spirit threatens

the way of life you have succumbed to

without any exercise of choice on the matter

because surrender is the only option that doth remain when by your own hands you hath

crumble the very ground that you walk upon

over and over again

surrender is the answer

that is very true

but the lesson may not be the one first apparent

for the prayers and wishes and thoughts sent

in silence to those perceived “still suffering”

does nothing in reality

when lips remain wired shut

and accessibility is closed off unless

willing to give over every basic individuality

for a group conscience designed by an ancient

mentality overwrought by madness

believe without proof

thy will be done

inside the rooms there is a miracle to be found

while denying the magic outside

live within boundaries set by everyone else or

make peace with the demons

go quietly

I have

expect nothing else

but to become entertained by

the lies you bury me under

to turn green with the rust

that the sunlight may bring

the earth is turning

as the time continues to be wasted

watching for the storm to pass

diamonds are formed under pressure

keep expecting for the answer to appear

without any labor or introspection

just waiting there on the plastic throne

wearing a paper made crown

expecting to be sought after

alone on the flight down

in darkness may light be conjured

instead of handed down

misunderstood madness becomes them

but at least expectations cannot add barriers

to seeking the meaning profound